Yesterday was quite a day for me. Amidst the chaos of preparing for Buckeye Awakening #7, midterms and papers I decided to tack on my first car accident. Relax. It was a fender bender but enough to shake me up. The first person I called was my dad...just as any girl would. His only concern was if I was safe and unharmed. That same sentiment followed when I spoke with my mom and my boyfriend. No one seemed to be upset or angry that I had made a mistake and wrecked my car. I'm sure those feelings will come but I had no idea what reaction to expect after this happened to me. I was overwhelmed that everyone's first question was "Are you okay?" My first question for myself was "What the heck were you doing? What just happened? Does my car look trashy now? Will people still drive with me?" Okay, that was five questions but you get the idea.
Formalities were taken care of, with the exception of the police coming to scene. Apparently Obama had 'em all tied up on campus. The night wore on and I didn't think much of what had happened. I had gotten all the tears out and felt calmed down. I found love and support in friends and family. I returned home after night prayer and began to journal about what had happened. I have this experience that, when I journal, God reveals different things to me that I would've never realized if I hadn't written anything down. As I wrote I began to see His purpose in allowing this to happen 5 hours after I had just told 4 people I had a clean record and they would be safe riding with me to the retreat center on Friday.
My history of no accidents, no tickets, and no citations was always a point of pride for me. Red flag #1: Pride. It seemed to be the one thing I could boast about. Red flag #2: Boasting. I gave all the credit to myself and my "great" driving skills. Red flag #3: Not giving the glory to God. This may all seem miniscule but let's look at those red flags. I don't think I've been seeing how God is trying to teach me about humility. He literally needed to put me into a wreck to make me realize how selfish and prideful I have been. As I cried after the accident I began to wonder why I was actually crying. I thought it was because I was shaken up, but the reason was really "I've never been in a car accident before. My pride is hurt. I will never be able to boast about this again."
My thoughts should have been "Praise God I am okay. Praise God that it wasn't worse and that He sent my guardian angel to protect me. Praise God that the other driver was unharmed as well." I did have those thoughts but they were secondary to my pride. As I journaled I began to see what God was trying to tell me. His lesson was clear, "Boast in I alone. Good things come only from me. I must take away your pride so that you may humble your heart and be filled with my grace. Have a simplicity of heart and turn first to Me in all situations. Your pride will wreck you. It will make a mess of the heart that was made to praise God and God alone."
All this came from a fender bender. I know it may seem a little far-fetched and crazy, but what is faith if it isn't a little far-fetched to our human minds? God really does work in mysterious ways. I clearly wish God would've found a bit kinder way to teach me this lesson but clearly I needed a wake-up call. He began the process of killing the fruit of evil in me that takes it's form as pride. I praise God for His mysterious ways. I praise God for crashing my pride. I praise God for teaching me that He is the source of all good.
May Christ be with you now and always,
Steph
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Thursday, October 4, 2012
"Home"
I thought this blog was going to be finished once I arrived back in America. To my surprise, I have had multiple people ask me to continue writing. I had no idea people were actually interested in how life has been since I've returned! Regardless, I am honored and would love to continue the blog. So, here I am.
It is with a heavy heart that I write about Mama Peace's passing. We received word that she passed away a couple of weeks ago. We knew while we were in Ghana that she had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. Throughout our stay, her decline was evident. After our return we received updates from Francis about her progress. The cancer was spreading and she needed surgery. We raised money for her and sent it over. Even with the funds she could not receive surgery in time and God brought His angel home. I am still working to comprehend and process all of this. All I know is that my life has been changed because of Mama Peace. The month I spent with her taught me more than I have learned in my 19 years. She showed me that you can do anything you put your mind to, love never fails, angels exist on earth, and every life is precious & full of value.
My mind cannot help but to spin with thoughts of what is going to happen now. Where will the kids go? Who will care for them? Is there enough money to give Mama Peace a proper funeral? Who will tell the kids that they have lost another parent? I would give just about anything to spend one day with those children...loving them, caring for them, playing with them. If only we could let them know that we still think of them, we still love them, and they mean the world to us. This is a lesson in trusting God if I've ever seen one.
Mama Peace's situation has put life into perspective recently. As I go through some difficult life changes I cannot help but to feel guilty for those times that I would sit around pitying myself. There is so much more than myself. Her life, her family, those children have gone through more than I could ever imagine. My trivial trials are just that...trivial. Being home has showed me how wrapped up the American culture is in itself. Walking across campus for the first few weeks of class was difficult. No one smiles, no one even makes eye contact. Everyone is on a mission to get to someplace that, in reality, is probably not as important as they think it is. But wait. This makes me question, what exactly is my reality?
My views of this world have changed drastically. It has been 2 months since I got back from Ghana and I still have days where I can't focus on anything school-related because my mind is stuck on those kids. I have days filled with frustration at the mindset of our American culture that is so focused on more, more, more. Why not think about less, less, less? I came across a quote the other day by Anne Frank. She said "No one has ever become poor by giving." It's self-explanatory really. As I said in a post months ago- travel is the one thing you can buy that will leave you feeling richer. It's true. Since returning to Ohio State I have made changes to how I live my life. They are small, but I view them as significant.
For starters, my room last year was covered in pictures/quotes/posters, etc. If you saw it, you know. The wall was barely visible. This year my room is a stark contrast. One wall is completely blank with the exception of my crucifix and picture of the Blessed Mother. That was intentional. I want my only focus to be the Lord when I look at that wall. He deserves to be glorified. Why clutter the space around the crucifix with Bible verses and quotes? The crucifix is enough of a reminder to know that He loves me and died for my sins. My other wall has pictures of the kids from Ghana and one of my closet doors has pictures of very close friends and family. Don't get me wrong. I still love pictures. I still love my friends and family. I remain obsessed with quotes and Bible verse. But I don't need them surrounding me when I have simple reminders of the eternal perspective and what is really important in life. I can whip out my quote book at any time for some inspiration.
Father Antonio has been my go-to priest since I've been back. The one thing he keeps reminding me about is the concept of simplicity of heart. As women, we are blessed to have a heart that only wants to give and love. We are nurturing and caring to all those we meet. This is the privilege of being a woman. God created women this way. Father Antonio has asked me to work on remaining simple, remembering St. Therese of Lisieux's "Little Way". I'm working on that with my spiritual life and personal challenges. But as a step to get there, I am changing my physical surroundings. I am still human. I am so very far from perfect but something as small as simplifying my room is helping me to change my heart.
My mind is filled with thoughts of those children. I love them dearly. I miss Mama Peace. I hurt knowing that those kids may not be eating properly or getting the care and attention they need. At times, I feel helpless being halfway across the world. Simplicity of heart...patience...trust...I am working on those things. I can't control everything. God provided for those children before and He will provide for them now. However, I ask your prayers for them and for Mama Peace. May she forever dance and belt out Mamma Mia with Jesus. I know she is up there loving the Lord and watching over her children. She has finally been called home, the home that we are all working towards. This world isn't home. It's simply a place to pass through.
May God be with you each and everyday. May He bless you with angels on earth and an overwhelming amount of love and grace.
In Christ,
Steph
It is with a heavy heart that I write about Mama Peace's passing. We received word that she passed away a couple of weeks ago. We knew while we were in Ghana that she had been diagnosed with cervical cancer. Throughout our stay, her decline was evident. After our return we received updates from Francis about her progress. The cancer was spreading and she needed surgery. We raised money for her and sent it over. Even with the funds she could not receive surgery in time and God brought His angel home. I am still working to comprehend and process all of this. All I know is that my life has been changed because of Mama Peace. The month I spent with her taught me more than I have learned in my 19 years. She showed me that you can do anything you put your mind to, love never fails, angels exist on earth, and every life is precious & full of value.
 |
| Mama Peace looking beautiful as always |
 |
| Our last breakfast with Mama Peace. She's so cool. |
My mind cannot help but to spin with thoughts of what is going to happen now. Where will the kids go? Who will care for them? Is there enough money to give Mama Peace a proper funeral? Who will tell the kids that they have lost another parent? I would give just about anything to spend one day with those children...loving them, caring for them, playing with them. If only we could let them know that we still think of them, we still love them, and they mean the world to us. This is a lesson in trusting God if I've ever seen one.
Mama Peace's situation has put life into perspective recently. As I go through some difficult life changes I cannot help but to feel guilty for those times that I would sit around pitying myself. There is so much more than myself. Her life, her family, those children have gone through more than I could ever imagine. My trivial trials are just that...trivial. Being home has showed me how wrapped up the American culture is in itself. Walking across campus for the first few weeks of class was difficult. No one smiles, no one even makes eye contact. Everyone is on a mission to get to someplace that, in reality, is probably not as important as they think it is. But wait. This makes me question, what exactly is my reality?
 |
| I miss walking down roads like these where everyone says hello and where time seems irrelevant. Schedules don't exist and people just want to talk to you about your day and where you are going. |
My views of this world have changed drastically. It has been 2 months since I got back from Ghana and I still have days where I can't focus on anything school-related because my mind is stuck on those kids. I have days filled with frustration at the mindset of our American culture that is so focused on more, more, more. Why not think about less, less, less? I came across a quote the other day by Anne Frank. She said "No one has ever become poor by giving." It's self-explanatory really. As I said in a post months ago- travel is the one thing you can buy that will leave you feeling richer. It's true. Since returning to Ohio State I have made changes to how I live my life. They are small, but I view them as significant.
For starters, my room last year was covered in pictures/quotes/posters, etc. If you saw it, you know. The wall was barely visible. This year my room is a stark contrast. One wall is completely blank with the exception of my crucifix and picture of the Blessed Mother. That was intentional. I want my only focus to be the Lord when I look at that wall. He deserves to be glorified. Why clutter the space around the crucifix with Bible verses and quotes? The crucifix is enough of a reminder to know that He loves me and died for my sins. My other wall has pictures of the kids from Ghana and one of my closet doors has pictures of very close friends and family. Don't get me wrong. I still love pictures. I still love my friends and family. I remain obsessed with quotes and Bible verse. But I don't need them surrounding me when I have simple reminders of the eternal perspective and what is really important in life. I can whip out my quote book at any time for some inspiration.
Father Antonio has been my go-to priest since I've been back. The one thing he keeps reminding me about is the concept of simplicity of heart. As women, we are blessed to have a heart that only wants to give and love. We are nurturing and caring to all those we meet. This is the privilege of being a woman. God created women this way. Father Antonio has asked me to work on remaining simple, remembering St. Therese of Lisieux's "Little Way". I'm working on that with my spiritual life and personal challenges. But as a step to get there, I am changing my physical surroundings. I am still human. I am so very far from perfect but something as small as simplifying my room is helping me to change my heart.
 |
| St. Therese of Lisieux- I actually started reading her autobiography while in Ghana! |
My mind is filled with thoughts of those children. I love them dearly. I miss Mama Peace. I hurt knowing that those kids may not be eating properly or getting the care and attention they need. At times, I feel helpless being halfway across the world. Simplicity of heart...patience...trust...I am working on those things. I can't control everything. God provided for those children before and He will provide for them now. However, I ask your prayers for them and for Mama Peace. May she forever dance and belt out Mamma Mia with Jesus. I know she is up there loving the Lord and watching over her children. She has finally been called home, the home that we are all working towards. This world isn't home. It's simply a place to pass through.
May God be with you each and everyday. May He bless you with angels on earth and an overwhelming amount of love and grace.
In Christ,
Steph
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