I Get by with a Little Help from my Friends

This was composed entirely with song lyrics. It is my final presentation for a Senior Leadership Capstone class at Ohio State. It walks through the story of my life and how I intend to go live out what matters most to me once I graduate in May. Enjoy!

This is the story of a girl

just a small town girl living in a lonely world.

She’s her daddy’s girl, her mama’s world

She starts dancing when the stars come out

She’s a little bit of heaven with a wild side

She’s got a rebel heart a country mile wide

She loves to dance. She loves to sing. She does everything. She loves to move. She loves to groove.

I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

Well, Mom found her a new place to live and dad found him a new girlfriend.

All I want is the way it was when love would always last forever.

Before I got caught in the middle somewhere in between two houses.

Best friends talking 'til the daylight

Took the joys alongside the pain

With not much to lose but so much to gain

I’m trying to take it back until it all went wrong, before the worst

Your light was bright and new

He didn’t care

He took the heart of a little girl and made it grow up too fast

Now words like innocence don’t mean a thing

She closed her eyes

The blood flows as she cries

He leans down to comfort her and He wraps His arms around her

The deeper you cut, the deeper it hurts

The deeper you cut, it only gets worse.

She looked up and found relief in His life

and put down her knives

It’s always darkest before the dawn.

Shake it out. It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back so shake him off.

She heard the voice of Jesus say,
“Come to Me, weary one, and rest. You don’t have to be strong enough. I am strong enough for the both of us. Lay your shattered pieces down and be amazed by how grace can take a broken girl and put her back together again."

That tattoo might one thing I tell my kid’s not to do...

Every storm runs out of rain.

Every dark night turns into day.

Every heartache will fade away.

It’s going to set you free.

In this life I know where I’ve been, but here in Your arms I know what I am.

I’m forgiven.

I don’t have to carry the weight of who I’ve been because I’m forgiven.

WHen I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere.

When I don’t measure up to much in this life

I am a treasure in the arms of Christ.  

You are my heart, every breath I breathe

I'm safe in Your arms, You rescue me.

When I'm weak, You're strong

If You were gone I don't know where I'd be

This life would kill me if I didn’t have You.

If You didn’t love me so much, I’d never make it through.

Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart. Why are we here?  And where do we go? And how come it’s so hard? It’s not always easy and I can tell you one thing. It’s always better when we’re together.

Because we’re all in this together.

Am I proof that grace can really change a heart?

People pass and even if they don’t my name, is there evidence that I’ve been changed?

I wanna live like that and give it all I have so that everything I say and do points to You.

If love is who I am, then this is where I’ll stand.

Recklessly abandoned, never holding back.

As far as I can see I have everything I want.

I got shoes under my feet. Forever in the eye staring back at me and it’s alright. I got all I need.

May be a simple life, but that’s okay. If you ask me, I think I’ve got it made.

It’s a goofy thing, but I’ve just gotta say, “Hey. I’m doing alright.”

and it’s a great day to be alive.

I know the sun’s still shining when I close my eyes.

Your eyes are story.

An ocean of memories.

Pictures of faces and places  and all of the things that make us feel like we have it all.

With every sunrise comes a new light

Life is beautiful.

Go be young.

Go be free.

Follow your heart where it leads.

Sing a simple melody.

Let your heart be your compass when you’re lost.

And You should follow it wherever it may go.

Don’t close your eyes.

Don’t be afraid.

When it’s all said and done, you can walk instead of run

No matter what, you’ll never be alone.

Summers heat. Winter’s cold. Seasons pass and years will roll.

But right here. Right now.

Live like there’s no tomorrow.

Love like you’re on borrowed time.

I won’t take it for granted.

I won’t waste another second

All I want to give is a life well-lived to say thank you.

It’s good to be alive.

Where Am I From?

I am from a goofy, high strung, work driven man    
        a compassionate, well-educated, burdened woman
                 the shadows of a brilliant brother.

I am a kid obsessed with cats, books, music, and the quiet of my own mind
        I know peace and harmony
        The house is safe
        All is still.

I grow up far too fast. Chaos enters. Harmony walks out.
         I am from two houses, 
                not one
         I no longer know home.

I am from a forced lesson on the "world"
         seeing brokenness and 
         drawing my own blood to simply know
         I'm alive.

I am from a darkened mind, 
                         empty heart, and bruised soul
          A closed door upon which no one would dare knock
                   Innocence stolen. Shame introduced. Blame placed.

I am from new beginnings
            Hope of a better tomorrow
                     Light breaking through
            Love rushing in
            Opportunities rising like the sun. 

I am from joy, pain, and a place where shame & grace collide
        I am from a place where love wins,
        blood turns to water,
        and all broken things are restored.

I am from grace, hope, and the healing of a severely wounded heart
        I am from a sun pushing through clouds
        I am from jumping in puddles and dancing in the storm
       I am from never turning back, but always spinning around. 

My Cup Overflows

The title of this post really says it all. I can hardly count the number of times I have said or journaled those words within the past few weeks...my cup overflows. How much truth lies within those three simple words.

Gratitude has been a theme in my life recently. Not just gratitude for all the good things God is pouring into my life, but gratitude for all of the crosses He has sent me to bear for His sake. It seems as if the past month has been a constant battle to grow in greater holiness, but the most beautiful battle I could ever imagine. I wouldn't want to be a warrior for anyone other than our Lord, Jesus Christ. 

My roommate and I just started a new project in our home. It's called the "Wall of Gratitude". It's simple. Each day we write down something we are thankful for on a Post-It note and stick to a wall in our kitchen. We ask visitors to do the same. We are about two weeks in and it has been beautiful to watch our wall slowly fill in thanks and praise to our God for things as small as candy corn up to things as great as family and the relentless love of Jesus Christ. It seems as if that wall is a visual of my prayers recently. I can hardly cease in thanking God for the ways He continues to bless me, a poor sinner. I could cover the whole wall in one day, but alas, that would render the project a little useless.

I digress. My cup overflows. It does. He fills me. He satisfies me. He provides all I need. He makes sure my cup is full and then He goes a little bit further and blessings start to run down the edges. Soon enough there are mini-waterfalls pouring out. My cup overflows. I spend time with Him, just praising and thanking Him, but what am I doing with the portion of my cup that is pouring out? Am I letting the joy and peace from my blessings fall to the ground or I am using them to fill the perceived emptiness of others? I say "perceived" because whether we recognize it or not, Christ is giving us all we need. It is part of the human experience to feel empty, to feel alone, to ache, to hurt, and to question. It is then when we need those who are proclaiming "my cup overflows" to come to our aid. It is then when we must cry out to God. We must beg Him to be our strength. We must recognize that all things work for good and each cross was sent to us as a gift, a heavenly gift that we must bear with grace and courage. "But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears." (Psalm 18:6) 

How blessed are we! How great is our God! He hears our prayers. He hears our ceaseless praise. He hears our cries for strength. He listens to our prays even when we don't. We have nothing of our own to offer the Lord. We only have our sin. Anything good in our life comes from Him, the One who made us and knows us. May the Lord continue to be glorified! May we use the overflow of our cups to fill our brothers and sisters as we all run this race of faith as a family and body of Christ. May we also have the humility to ask others to pour a bit of their cup into ours when we feel weak and discouraged. Praying for you. Praying with you.

"You poured out. Your grace covered me when Your love washed over me. My cup has overflown.  With You, I thirst no more." -Washed Over Me by All Things New

The Beauty of a Broken Night

I broke.
I shattered. 
I fell to the ground 
The pieces scattered into corners
I could not see.

You found the pieces. 
You sought for them. 
You gathered them into Your heart 
and Your hands.

They made You bleed. 
The jagged edges cut deep 
into Your skin. 
You held them tighter and not one 
of them was lost.

I cried out. 
I was empty. 
I was halfway alive and 
barely able to breathe.

I fumbled in the dark 
My feet never found the pieces I had lost.

You had me.
You had all of me.
You turned on the light 
and revealed 

the 
beauty 
of 
my 
broken 
night. 


-Life is worth living. Love is very much alive. Never give up on hope.-

Tripping Over Tables

I have always been a bit directionally challenged. By a bit, I mean severely. I can use a GPS and still  get lost. I have to drive to a place five times before being able to do so without directions. Even then, I'm still not sure I know how to get there. Maybe it's a lack of confidence or maybe it's just a lack of natural talent. This whole "directionally challenged" thing led me to start telling people that I just enjoy getting lost. I made it into a game- how lost could Stephanie get this time around? Answer: Pretty darn lost. 

Truth is, no one really likes being lost. You feel almost helpless. It doesn't help if you're in a sketchy part of town, in the dark, with rain pouring down....alone. However, the easiest way to get un-lost is to ask someone for directions. Ironically, people (especially men) do not particularly like asking for directions. Well, that's just dumb. Plain and simple. You sit in your car and just complain about being lost. You try to look for landmarks that don't exist. You convince yourself that you actually do know where you are and are on the right track....then you hit a dead end. Cool. Panic begins to set in and you just fumble around, going in circles. As the panic hits full force, you pull over, shed a few tears, call someone for help and get yourself un-lost. Why don't we just skip ahead to the getting un-lost part as soon as we realize we are starting to get lost? I'm not exactly sure why, but it could because we are this cool thing called HUMAN. 

I used to hate feeling lost in life. No one really enjoys having no idea what their future holds. What are my plans post-college graduation? I don't know. Let's be real here. I don't even know what my plans are tomorrow. Let's have a chit-chat about darkness. I used to shy away from it. In fact, I would see dark clouds approaching and I would run in the opposite direction as fast as I could. Then, I started to seek that feeling of being lost...just in a slightly different way. My excuse of "loving to get lost" became a reality. I began to pray that God would help me to get completely and utterly lost. It is my daily request. "Christ, help me to get caught up in You. I want to be lost in You. I want to stand in Your presence and have no choice but to trust in You. Help me to get lost. Help me to go higher up and deeper still. I want to be lost in You."

In reality, why do we ever doubt Him? I said earlier "no one really enjoys having no idea what their future holds." Why not? It's not like no one knows what lies ahead of us. HE knows and let me tell you, He is the ONLY one that matters. I don't care what the world tells you. God truly is the ONLY one who matters.  Get lost and caught up in Him. Let Him consume you. Let Him set you aflame. Let. God. Love. You. Have fun fumbling around in the dark. He won't let you stay there forever. He's gotta get a good laugh in, see you fall over a couple tables, but then He will pick you up, flip the light switch on to reveal His brilliant plan. He will lead you home. Trust. I know, easier said than done. We'll get back to that later. For now, run to Him. Chase tirelessly after Him. Let Christ lead you through all the muck and dirt of life. In the end, it'll all be worth it. We will live surrounded by His glory and the only light will be that of His face.

I'm tripping over tables.

I'm fumbling foolishly.

I feel nothing.

I stop.

I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I listen.

I hear His voice in my heart.

He nudges me.

He guides me.

I see the light.

I see His plan.

He flips the switch.

He reminds me that He is the great 

I AM.

So, get lost in Him. Run towards the chaos because, right there in the midst of it, you will find Him. Love the feeling of knowing that something greater is just around the corner. Embrace the confusion. Live for the thrill of knowing that God's plan is about to come to life. Advent is a time of waiting in anxious anticipation for the coming of Christ. Let us wait with anxious anticipation for the glory of His plan to be revealed to us. Go. Get lost.

With much excitement for whatever lies ahead,
Steph

Taken

This one is for all my lovely sisters. Men- you can read it too and I hope you do. Just be aware that it's focused towards the ladies. :) 

Hello beautiful sisters!
I am so glad that you have stumbled across (or were forced by myself) to read this. I had this sweet experience in Adoration the other night and it doesn't feel right to not share it with as many women as possible.
For those of you who may not know, I am a huge journaler. I can spend a solid hour writing. It all started in high school when my youth minister encouraged me to start a prayer journal. I began simply writing my prayers and then whatever God would put on my heart. (Whether it was what He was actually trying to say or not is debatable.) That habit has faded, but I will still have moments in Adoration where I feel that God is calling me to write...so that's what I do. I whip out my journal and let the Holy Spirit guide my pen. Below is an excerpt from three nights ago. All credit goes to God.

November 25, 2012        Sunday- Feast of Christ the KING
Adoration~ 8:45 pm
"I love you so much that I come down and kiss your bloody wounds. I came to die for you. I live and reign so that you may continue to know this love. Come, adore Me and I will mend your broken heart. I will wipe away the tears and wash the blood from your wounds. I will make you new. You are My child. Give it all to Me and I will show you love that no one on earth can give. Come, be my bride. Worship Me. My love is all that satisfies. Your heart was made for Me. Lay it down and I will lift you up....I came for your brokenness. I have felt your pain. I know your heart and I will never let go of it. It is held in My hands. Trust Me and bring Me all you have. I love you and you are Mine."

Rewind! Come, be my bride. I remember refusing to write those words at first. They scared me. I thought "God...what are you telling me? That's scary. No way. Just lead me to the next thing you need me to hear and I'll write that instead." Not happening. Not sure if you've ever noticed, but God rarely lets us win arguments. He wasn't letting me get off that easy so down it went...in ink. I wrote that entry and shut my journal. I didn't reread it until last night. I didn't even think about it. That's what I do. I write and only read what I wrote if I feel a need to. Well, last night I felt that it needed to be reread.

I am reading this book called "Restoring Broken Things" by Steven Curtis Chapman and Scotty Smith. It is blowing my mind. I usually read a chapter at a time and then stop. For some reason, the other night I stopped mid-chapter and fell asleep. (This will make sense...promise.) I picked it back up in Adoration last night after a highly emotional/stressful evening. The first thing I read is this:

"We belong to our beloved Bridegroom. Christians are, above all else, the Bride of Jesus. Our hearts, along with everything else, have already been fully spoken for."

 I dropped immediately to my knees. My journal entry from last night explains why. I am going to change it up a little bit so that it can apply to everyone, but all of the content is still there.

November 27, 2012       Tuesday
Adoration- 8:45 pm (Note the time that this was written and my entry on Sunday was written. Apparently good things happen at 8:45 pm in Adoration.)
"It is all making sense now. Why and how did it take me this long to put it all together? God is fitting the pieces together. "Our hearts, along with everything else, have already been fully spoken for." Spoken for by Jesus Christ, Love itself. Why do we, as women, think we can give our hearts away? Our hearts are not ours to give. They do not belong to us at all. He has already claimed our heart as His own.
"Christians are, above all else, the Bride of Jesus." Through our birth, we are the bride of Jesus. We wait for marriage and love when, in fact, we have always been loved and our hearts are married to the One that made them. We seek love. We yearn to give our hearts to someone. Why?! Love is here. Love is now. Our hearts already belong to Someone. The only Someone that truly matters. Why are we not loving Him as our beloved spouse? Why are we not giving Him all of ourselves? Why are we not doing every single thing for Him as if HE is our spouse? As a Christian and as a woman, our hearts are already married to the most loving man to ever exist, Jesus Christ. We are ill-deserving and unworthy, yet He still chose us. We must live for Him. This is the example of true love. This is what a marriage should be...a giving of one's heart to the Almighty King of Kings. May His Name be forever praised."

My mom is probably reading this and freaking out. I am NOT thinking about getting married anytime soon. Relax. That is the last thing on my mind. But there is a serious lesson to be learned. I'm starting to see why 3 days ago God made my pen scribble those words that are terrifying to someone who really isn't ready for any form of commitment right now. I need to start understanding what Christ means when he says "Come, be my bride." At this very moment in my life that means, "Come, love me with all of your heart. Give me everything and I will take care of you and stand by you." Why wouldn't we say yes to that?  Women, let me tell you something. We were made with such beautiful hearts, even if those hearts do get caught up in things other than Christ from time to time. It is part of the beauty that comes with being a woman. Our hearts were made to love and to be loved. Our hearts are sacred and they are meant to be treasured. So, whether you are in a relationship with a man or not, I am praying that you will be His bride above all else. I pray that you will let Him win you over and have your heart. May you see that you are loved by a man who already gave His life for you. I pray that you will never settle for a love that is less than this. Christ is actively pursuing you. Stop running. Love is waiting for you.

For His Glory,
Steph

Buried Elephants

Last weekend, I had the distinct pleasure of having dinner with some of my "kids" from Buckeye Awakening #6. Our conversations ranged from updates on life, class, friends, and somehow turned to an elephant being buried on West Campus. Yeah, I knew Mike was full of random facts but this one made me a little skeptical.

Some of my beautiful family...laughing...as usual...

Really? An elephant buried on Ohio State's campus? I feel like people would have made a bigger deal out of this before now. We have some sweet history here at OSU, but an elephant really makes it. I'll let you check out the links below and decide for yourself if an elephant is truly buried on West Campus. I plan on making that my first question next semester when I start my History of OSU class. Yes, I am taking History of OSU and yes, it does count for credit. I love my school. (PS- The Mirror Lake Jump is tonight. To say I am stoked is an understatement.)

My favorite elephant picture. He's got the right idea. Underneath a waterfall in sunshine. Nothing like a cold lake in November.

This article says the myth was confirmed in 2009.
http://www.ohiostatealumni.org/media/Pages/ABCsofOhioState.aspx

This tells the story of how the elephant got here:
http://library.osu.edu/projects/anniversaries/questions.htm

So, how do all of these dead elephant shenanigans turn into anything meaningful? I had the same question and really expected nothing to come from that conversation. To my surprise, I kept thinking about it and realized that I know where an elephant is buried. In fact, I know where multiple elephants are buried and that, my friends, is in each one of us. This goofy question about an elephant on-campus holds some serious meaning to me now. Regardless of the truth behind the Ohio State myth, I think it is fair to ask...where are the elephants buried in you?

There's that saying, "There's an elephant in the room." Well, what if there is an elephant in your heart? I think we all have one of those. One of the reasons I love people so much is because of their depth. There are so many levels and layers to people. One of my favorite things to do is just sit down and talk with people, ask them about their life, learn their story. Everyone has a story. Something has brought you to where you are today. There are stories within your story. I am all about sitting down with people, especially those I don't know, and just talking for hours. I have learned so much that way.

Sometimes I feel like people are afraid to tell their story and afraid to listen to the stories of others. Digging up elephants (literally and metaphorically) is challenging. Who knows where the elephant on West Campus is buried. By now the grass has surely grown back, buildings have been built and parking lots paved over the burial site. It is the same with people. We bury something deep inside of us and build on top of it. Sometimes we build as a means to move on, sometimes we just want to cover up the past and forget about it and, other times, our elephants help us to grow. What have you built on top of your elephants? Can you easily dig them back up? Are they easy to find? Do you even remember where you put them?

I have found the value in asking questions and truly wanting to know the answer. Sometimes you have to help people dig. The simple question of "How are you?" usually has a much deeper answer than "Fine." Do not be afraid to have a conversation. Some of my greatest life lessons have been learned through people I have only met once and will never meet again, simply by asking a question. Get someone going and they will talk for hours. Okay, maybe that's just me...Just dig deeper. You never know what you may find. 

Much Love,

Steph

P.S.- Thank you BA family for providing me with the inspiration for this blog. :) You guys rock!